


Simply love

by LeafZelindor



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Sam Winchester, F/M, Stanford Era, discussion of said sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 13:32:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15664194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeafZelindor/pseuds/LeafZelindor
Summary: Jessica probably saved him from being totally boring, but honestly Sam loves her most because she accepts him for him. No matter what.





	Simply love

“You know, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” The pretty blond that was in his Psychology class sat down on the edge of his desk and Sam glanced up at her. He let a smile touch his lips, almost an imitation of a smile he’d seen his brother use a number of times on girls he wanted to have some fun with. He settled himself back and stroked his hand through his hair to push it back. “Yeah well, I’m not Jack, and… I gotta keep my full ride somehow.” He said now. “Without it I can’t stay.”

“Mmm, Well that might be true, but I’ve seen you in here for over a year now. And I know that you are summered here too.” She tapped a finger against her jaw. “From what I hear, you got two jobs and took two classes, which you pulled perfect scores in….”

“Stalker.” Sam couldn’t help a grin now. “Jessica right? You sit two rows ahead of me in Behavioral psychology.” 

“That’s right, Call me Jess though. And you’re Sam right?” She grinned at him. “Come on Sam, close the books and come have a meal with me. I promise I won’t bite, and that I will let you come back to your books in two hours. Got it?”

“…Fine. Two hours.” Sam confirmed with a smile but he closed the books and carefully tucked them into his messenger bag. Ten minutes found her shoving him into the booth at a little diner just off campus and chattering about football games and giggling over his faint uncertainty about how their team was doing. She was cute and funny and very sweet. It was, comfortable. Something about her made him quite comfortable. He found himself wanting to talk to her.

“So, burning question, why didn’t you go home last summer?” Jessica asked as she sipped the milkshake she’d ordered. Sam had a tea and they were waiting on their food. 

“Ah, I…. I don’t have a home to go too.” Sam admitted quietly now. He didn’t even know where Dean and Dad were. If they were all right. He wondered their numbers would even work when he called, but honestly? He couldn't bring himself to reach out. “I, My dad kicked me out when I said I was coming here.”

“What? Why? A full ride to Stanford isn’t anything to snort at.” Jessica frowned quietly now as she considered him. “I can’t imagine how hard it was for you to…”

“It wasn’t. He wanted me to join the family business and I wanted out.” He shrugged. “That simple.”

“…What sort of business is that?” Her eyes widened some and she leaned forward. Sam flushed and then looked aside he shook his head. “Never mind… Don’t tell me. I bet it’s a, if I tell you I have to kill you sort of thing.”

“Ah… sure.” He glanced up, there was true warmth in her expression. Like she didn’t care what his past was. It made him feel fairly warm inside. He smiled quietly at her. He appreciated the kindness, the lack of pushing when he refused to speak. 

“So, what Can you tell me about you Sam Winchester?” Jess grinned at him now. “I hope you don’t actually study all the time.”

“Well I do have a part time job, and… I mean I like movies.” Sam grinned a little now. She laughed easily at him now. 

“You seriously need someone to make you less boring dude. Girls should be crawling all over you! Tall, handsome, sweet so far.” 

“Maybe I’m secretly a total creep, closet pervert or something?” Sam countered now easily and that just made Jess laugh. She seemed completely unconcerned by any sort of closet perversion he might have. 

“Like hell you are, You look like a puppy dog.” She countered with a grin. Sam blushed and then stuck his tongue out and She just laughed brightly. Their waitress returned with their food, a wrap for him and a burger her for. She’d also ordered a double order of fries. He wondered if she ate like this all of the time or if it was supposed to be a statement. He smiled though and then picked up half his wrap and took a bite out of it.

“You’re a beanpole, you should eat more, or lift weights.” She mused quietly now.

“Uh, I tried to do Aikido and karate when I first moved out here but Uh, I guess I’m already a really good fighter, and it wasn’t very challenging…” Sam shrugged a little bit. He blinked at her curious look. “What?”

“Have you thought about Yoga?” She asked now with a grin. “Maybe you need something more centering….”

“Yeah maybe.” Maybe it was a good thing he’d accepted dinner with her. Something told him being friends with Jess was going to be good for him. She was almost as easy to talk to as Brady, his roommate. He knew he was right about her when he was still talking to her several hours later, when he should have been working on his school work instead. 

It was the start of something magical.

-

Somewhere halfway through Sam’s first year He’d stumbled across a LGBT group on campus. Finding himself going to one of their meetings because someone invited him. He didn’t imagine himself as anything but straight, not really. He noticed the occasional boy, but, mostly girls. Not that he wanted to do anything with them, they were just pretty to look at.

He knew he wasn’t like Dean. His elder brother had a girl in every town they’d ever visited, and more than one anywhere they stayed more than a few days. He’d never tell but he’d seen the one time Dean had snuck a boy into the house they were staying when his brother had been a junior, before he dropped out of school. It seemed safer not to mention that. Not that John would have approved, and Dean would have denied it, but Sam’s bedroom had butted up to his brother’s and he’d heard exactly how much noise had come through the wall that night. It’d never happened again. At least not before Sam left for college. He hoped his brother would learn to accept himself. 

That was something the LGBT group had taught him. Acceptance. It was funny how much your psychology could be affected when you figured out you weren’t broken. That there was no shame in not feeling the need to bed every girl that crossed his path, or even kiss them.

Asexuality. It had come up in a conversation during one of the meetings, one of the girls talking about what she’d learned about it. Sam hadn’t spoken much that night. Instead listening everything she’d said and going back to his dorm to do a good deal of research himself. It made more sense now. The way he felt. Dating was fun, holding hands okay. But if a girl wanted to progress beyond kissing he found himself so very uncomfortable with that. Not to say he hadn’t had sex, he had. He’d just not found it that much fun. He’d felt more satisfaction knowing that the embarrassing lessons Dean had given him when he was 15 and going on his first date were useful in helping a girl get off multiple times than cared if he himself got off. It was good to have a name for how he felt. What he experienced. Most girls though couldn’t seem to get past it, so he didn’t date much. He concentrated on school. He got good grades.

Then came along Jess. That first dinner, turning into another. Then she drug him to a party. Then they actually started to date, he wasn’t completely sure their first few outings were not dates when he thought back. But here, middle of spring semester, Spring break he found himself with a gorgeous girlfriend and they suddenly had a week at her family’s beach condo with nobody else around. Just them. It was romantic and he knew he was feeling something for Jess.

She never pushed him. She was an amazing kisser, he loved holding her. But he never tried to initiate anything further. Any time they tumbled into bed for more than a cuddle she initiated it. If she thought that was weird she never voiced it. He was thankful for it. Clearly she loved being with him. They were talking about getting a place off campus over the summer. She was going to stay. He felt, suddenly he might have a future. 

They were curled together on the couch when she asked. There was a movie playing but neither of them were watching it. Jessica’s head was tucked under his chin and her fingers were trailing idly over his chest through his shirt. She had her eyes half closed. “Sam… Why don’t you ever initiate anything with me? I mean You kiss me but, other guys would have their hands all over me all the time, would have dates ago.”

“I…” Sam hesitated and then he shifted to look at her, studying her lovely eyes and looking into her face. Beautiful and open. “Have you heard of Asexuality?” 

“That’s like, No sexual attraction? You’re not Sexually attracted to me?” There was a note of uncertainty in her voice, but not upset. He had a sense she wanted to understand. That was something he could be grateful for. 

“You’re beautiful Jess, and I want to have a life with you. I know that already.” Sam cleared his throat and blushed a bit now. “I enjoy, all of our time together. I’m glad that I do things that you enjoy. I just, I don’t need to have sex with you, I don’t want sex. It’s not just you. It’s anyone.” He swallowed a little. “I, I don’t mind doing things with you. In fact knowing that I brought you pleasure makes me happy.”

“Well, that explains a lot.” Jess hummed quietly and then she wiggled up to press a quick kiss on him. “So um, what are you okay with? I mean. I know we haven’t had sex much but I figured this week, you know.” 

“I like this, cuddling, kissing, Holding your hand in public….” Sam licked his lips a bit. “We can have sex, if you want. I’m totally capable of getting it up, I just, find it’s mechanical. Something I do like washing my hands.”

“Huh.” Jess shifted and then sat herself up somewhat, straddling him. She looked down at him thoughtfully, hair spilling over her shoulder. She was beautiful. He could see having a serious future with her. Even, family, kids. Everything he hadn’t had himself. He’d had Dean. Dad when he was there. But it wasn’t a childhood. They’d spent too much time, training, learning how to defend against things that went bump in the night. Moving around from place to place. He’d never unlearn any of that. Jess reached out and stroked his hair out of his face easily now. “I love you Sam Winchester.” She announced after a quiet moment. “Thank you for being honest with me.” She then leaned in to kiss him and Sam kissed back warmly, happily. It was surprisingly easy to let her lead him off to bed after that. They ended up curled together naked, his fingers were trailing slowly over her hip. He had no idea how he'd gotten so lucky, with a woman this understanding. 

“I’d never lie to you Jess..” He promised now into her hair. Maybe one day he could tell her what Dean and Dad did. For now, he'd just not tell her. It wasn't lying if he didn't say. He never wanted to lie to her. She deserved nothing but the truth. And for two years, he didn't. He was as honest as he could be. Then Dean showed up, and Sam had told his first real lie. He felt so guilty about it. Even more so, when he couldn't make it right.

Sam would always cherish the way Jess accepted him. The love they had shared was wonderful and deep. He just wished they’d had more time.

“Yo, Sammy, we’re here.” Dean’s voice broke into his thoughts. “Where were you man?” 

“I… “ Sam shifted and then rubbed his eyes somewhat and sat up, taking a breath as the leather of the Impala's seat creaked under him. “Sorry, let’s get this taken care of yeah?” He cleared his throat and moved to get out of the car, Dean’s green eyes following him with faint sympathy in them that he missed as his brother stowed it away quickly. They had a job to do. No woman would ever understand him the way Jess did, and he could accept that. Somehow it made the job easier. No need to get attached, or to do anything stupid. He’d leave that up to Dean. He paused as Dean moved around to the trunk of the Impala and he looked up at the sky. He smiled quietly. Somehow, he knew Jess was watching him. He hoped she understood about this, as well as she’d always understood him.

**Author's Note:**

> Sam is a sex positive asexual. He might not need or want it but he's more than willing to make his partner happy and take care of them.


End file.
